The Fortress of Solitude
by cantwebeseventeen
Summary: Set during/after "Tick,Tick,Tick". Barney is rejected, once again, and all he can do, is trudge through the longest night of his life, alone.


**Thanks a million for reading! As always, I do not own any characters for HIMYM ****J **

The Fortress of Solitude

For the first time in a long time, Barney had actually felt complete that night. His stomach was full of butterflies, complementing his unwavering smile and thoughts of what was to come. But when Kevin walked into that bar, and Robin shook her head… everything was over. Any sense of complete was gone, and was replaced by raw pain. It was a stunning feeling. He didn't expect it to pound into him the way it did. But it almost knocked him over. He was wishing and wishing it wouldn't be true, that maybe she just hadn't broke it off with Kevin yet, that she would tonight, that they would take a rain check for 'the talk'. No. Robin had no intention of breaking it off with Kevin then and there. He felt even more broken than usual. Not just cracked, not just damaged… but empty. Any remainder of hope he had that his true love would be his was destroyed, never to be seen again.

Then, Nora. Wow. One of the only women that had given Barney a chance. A good woman. A woman who accepted Barney and gave him a reason to start believing again. This was a woman Barney respected and admired, and truly cared for. He gave up what turned out to be his one and only chance at happiness for the prospect of possibly dating Robin. He was foolish to think he wouldn't be punished for breaking the heart of a girl like Nora. Meanwhile, Robin and Kevin are doing amazingly; truly a beautiful couple, what Barney might have had.

But now, he stands alone, in every sense, watching as the gang gingerly sips beer and chats as if nothing happened. Of course, he wouldn't tell them what happened, but this personal hell Barney was going through was too much to bear in public. He couldn't just leave suspiciously, he had to explain, and this meant, seeing Robin. He tried not to look at the couple as he rigidly strode toward the table to explain.

Robin apologized, seemingly for his breakup, but clearly for the circumstance. Barney brushed it off casually, trying to fulfill his duty to both parties; 1) to the group: to not look too distressed, suspicious, or in any way, upset at Robin; 2) to Robin: to make it clear that she didn't have to worry about him, to keep his cool, and to try with all his might, to keep himself from breaking down. He walked out quickly, massaging his temples. He had to erase the evidence

In Ted's apartment, he stopped at Robin's door. He gazed at his masterpiece for Robin. When he had set it up that night, he was giddy with excitement, thinking the next time he'd see the room would be with the woman he loved more than anything. He sighed and tried to keep his heart from beating too fast. He had to get out of here. He instinctively took every singly rose pedal and threw them in a garbage bag… I guess that's where all of his efforts went anyway. The candles were out. The room just as he had left it. He didn't even notice the front door. He was too busy trying to make himself accept the reality that Robin and him would never happen, and that he was stupid to think so.

Barney walked home. It was roughly 25 minute home by cab, so it took roughly an hour for him to make it home by foot. This was a bad idea on Barney's part. He was tired, emotionally drained, and now, stumbling through New York City. The idea was to clear his mind, but the more he walked, the more riled up he became. He rushed up to his apartment, closed the door, and put his back to it, hitting his had backwards in distress. Just as his head hit the door, the tears he had been forcing back that night, and furthermore, most of his life, started falling, and Barney let go. He wasn't one to cry, but he couldn't help but wallow in his sadness just this once.

Barney's apartment didn't greet him with a welcoming smile as it usually did. No, his dank apartment acknowledged his presence slightly, only noticeable by the slamming of the door, and it stared at him. The cold empty living room seemed to be a representation of his lonely life, forever putting up an awesome façade, but still and forever, empty. He often joked that his apartment was the Fortress of Barnitude, but in reality, this play on words was only covering up the fact that it was, indeed, one of Solitude.

Robin was probably still out with Kevin, probably had forgotten all about their deal, and the other night, and of Barney in general, and Barney accepted that. He didn't expect her to feel pity or to lament over tonight, but he was frustrated that it was what he was doing. He could choose to brush it off, like Robin did, but he didn't. He chose to hold on to it, to dissect it. What was the matter with him?

This punch in the face was just the universe reminding Barney that he doesn't deserve to be with Robin, or anybody, for that matter. After so many rejections, most of which from Robin, Barney always ended up coming home alone, to face his living room again, each time with less hope. Now, that hope was gone. Robin was gone. But at least she was happy. And all he could do now, was cry, and wait until morning.

**Please Review! It would mean a lot :) Thank you so much!**


End file.
